Social anxiety in the spotlight

I have had social anxiety for my entire life that no one sees.

I grew up ONLY thinking about / concerned with / worried about other people‘s thoughts & feelings … not only in regard to everything I was doing, but also what they were thinking & feeling about me (which is a “feeling out of control” thing).

No one saw it because I was also raised by extreme extroverts who had me out & about in all types of social situations from casual to meeting royalty … And I was able to “show up” and behave as was expected of me … gracious, confident, attentive, mature, etc.

… ALL of which are wonderful qualities when they are authentic, yet not necessarily the best when they’re basically extraordinarily well-trained and convincing.

I do appreciate and see the great value in all of those experiences because they benefitted me in many ways.

and

🫠

not my wheelhouse as an innately introverted-empath child.

Which is one reason why I spent decades drinking way more than anyone would think my body type could handle.

Social situations are much easier for me now, and yet I absolutely still have my moments.

… Moments where I am hanging with someone I adore spending time with, yet feeling the old “convenient” fear patterns of wondering if they’re just talking to me because they feel they have to, or where they would rather be than with me, or how can I make this more brief so they can get onto what they would be doing if I wasn’t in the way and they weren’t sacrificing themselves to hang with me.

It’s not looking for attention at all.

It’s fear and control and an habitual self-view that’s in the toilet & “less-than” … or honestly, my self-view was nonexistent because it was only my view of me through other people‘s eyes (or what I thought that should be).

No huge message here … more of a share, I guess.

And also to say, that how I get to coach people through their own versions of this in ways that make them feel more free to be exactly who they are … as well as allow everyone else to be exactly who they are … it’s a pretty amazing process that shifts your entire life experience, particularly in the beautiful mundane day-to-day world, where generally you beat yourself up the most 🙏🏼